Falling through
by shadowsgirl7124
Summary: Ok this is after school. James left for an Auror mission. I'm at a mental blank for the story Outlaws of Love. Suggestions are helpful. 2 chapters.


James and Lily

Falling through

I rolled around in my bed but I couldn't sleep. I just lay there staring at the wall. I traced my finger on the crack on the wall that looked like shark tooth and I heaved a sad sighed, I am full of worry, I would even go as far as calling myself a nervous wreck. James left with Sirius two weeks ago. Two agonizing weeks ago to go on a mission for the Order and I am worrying immensely about him. I frequently sent owls to Remus to see if he heard anything about them, I mean he is they're best friend, but he constantly sent my owl back with a message that said something like this, Lily, I'm sorry to disappoint you but I don't have any idea where they are. I'm sorry again, Remus.

James, not knowing at the time he'd have to leave, had proposed to me and of course I said yes. Now I understand how it feels to the wives of military men when they go to war. You feel useless an pretty damn pointless and helpless when it comes they're departure. I don't live with James but since he proposed to me I really believe that we need to live together. Ok I can't sleep, this is becoming pointless. I got up and walked into the kitchen. You know ever since his departure I've become a real insomniac.

"I love you Potter. Damn you for that. Damn you for going away and leaving me here. I miss you so freakin much it's not even funny. I love you." I whispered as I traced my finger on the picture of James and I while at Hogwarts, I was curled up next to him under a blanket looking up at him with a soft smile and he was stroking my hair smiling back with that lopsided grin he always had. I was wearing his Quidditch jacket over my black shirt and a pair of light blue jeans. He was wearing jeans a shirt that said, 'Well I would agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.' Damn I love him.

Ok, it's 1 am and I haven't slept at all... The worst is that everyday or every night is like this. I go down at like 11 or midnight and I lay there and can't sleep, get up at like 1 or 2 and I'm up since then. It's taken a toll on me. I have lost colour in my face, I have bags under my eyes, my cheeks look hollow, and the vibrant green spark in my eyes has dulled to a lifeless green. It's been happening for five days now. No sleep for five days. Two days ago I fainted while I was out on a walk and a muggle drove me to a hospital. I can't sleep a wink without worrying about him because when my eyes close all I see is him lifeless and broken. I have an Order meeting today and Remus is surly going to notice how drained I look form my lack of sleep. Ugh I need to sleep. I feel dead on my feet and one good word to explain how I look and feel is; Zombie. Freakin walking dead. I just wanna... wanna... wanna... sleep.

Wha what. What just happened? I looked around and found I was on the kitchen floor the clock read 4:45pm and I jumped up hitting my head on the hard counter top crack Arg! That hurt! My hand darted up to my head and I growled in pain. When I pulled my hand back there was blood on it and I whined. I rushed to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Ok, on the plus side my heads not bleeding anymore. On the bad side I now have a raging headache. The meeting was in ten minutes; at five and I was in no condition to apparate anywhere. Quickly, ignoring the fact I needed a license to drive a motorcycle, I ran outside and hopped on the motorcycle Sirius left here once and jammed the key in the ignition.

"I can do this. I can do this its just like riding a bike. I can do this." I started the motorcycle and drove out. Ok now all I need to do is get to the meeting and I have like what a little over five minutes to do so. This is breaking every driving law put in history but you know what. I accelerated the motorcycle and drove down abandoned streets and finally, with like two minutes left, I could almost see the building, I got on the highway with warning bells going off in the back of my head and drive.

"It's ok I'm good. I'm good you got this far Lily you'll be fine. Absolutely fine. One hundred percent fine." I mumbled to myself, then pulled off the highway and into the parking lot of the place holding the meeting. "Now for the fun part." I growled sarcastically and took off up the 10 flights of stairs then, making sure no muggles saw me, I ran into the wall swiftly and felt myself teleporting to the Order meeting place. The thing was we never know where it is these days, Dumbledore just has us go to our 'portal building' and he teleports us there. Well I am here now. I spotted Remus who flagged me over to sit next to him and I went eagerly.

"Hello Lily." He wrapped me in a quick friendly hug, "You look tired." He looked me over as I held in a yawn and I nodded sleepily.

"I am. I ummm haven't slept in like five days. Well that's a lie. I kinda was on a walk two days ago and fainted and a muggle drove me to the hospital. Then today I couldn't sleep so I got up and went to the kitchen to eat and I may have fainted at one and woke up like fifteen minutes ago and cracked my head on the counter. It was bleeding before..." I sighed and Remus gave me a look that made me shrink in my seat.

"Lily Evans, you need sleep! How did you get here and if you apparated when you were like this you are unbelievably lucky!" I shrunk lower in my chair and told him how I got here. His reply was, "You drove here without a license and proceeded to drive on the highway?! That's horrible Lily!" I shrunk lower.

"Where's Dumbledore? He's five minutes late." I shook my head and then, as if on cue he walked in with a sobering look on his face. His eyes connected with mine and held my gaze for a minute before turning away and starting the meeting.

"I have updates on the groups we sent out two weeks ago. They have all reported in. All except one. James Potter and Sirius Black haven't reported in today." My hands shot up to my mouth and Remus's brow furrowed in thought. Dumbledore was talking on the updates but I had completely zoned out. My eyes were fixated on the wall behind Dumbledore. Remus kept shooting me worried glances and I ignored him. Finally Remus elbowed me and I looked at him and mouthed what and he nodded to Dumbledore.

"This is the last update we've gotten from Mr. Potter and Mr. Black. may you do the honors and cast a Patronus charm." I looked at him confused and he nodded encouragingly at me.

"Expecto Patronum" I closed my eyes and focused on my happy memory. When I opened my eyes a doe bursted from the tip of my wand and agilely walked around the room until, strangely, a stag burst into the room. James's voice echo from it and I almost lost it. Hello Dumbledore we are in a town a little north from where we were going to meet and we should be here by tomorrow. We have valuable information about them and more so we will be telling it to you when we see you! If by chance Lily's listening I miss you and hope you're not have sleepless nights or else I know I'll be getting an earful next I see you! Love you. Anyhow, hoping to see you all so- he was cut off by Sirius Black yelling for him to watch out. Then, Remus, seeming to know what was going to happen, tried to cover my ears but I heard it loud and clear.

"Crucio!" And then James's agonizing screams as he fell and I completely lost it. I screamed and bawled like never before and for a nineteen year old girl it sounded like I was five after just having a nightmare. It felt exactly like a nightmare. Remus was up in seconds half carrying, half dragging me out, even though bigger, stronger, and more powerful Aurors tried to stop him. Remus snarled at them until we got out. I was rocking back and forth, sobbing, and breathing unevenly as I raked my hands through my hair.

"Lily listen to me. Lily. LILY LISTEN!" I jumped. If Sirius's laugh sounded like a bark than Remus's yell sounded pure wolf like, like a growl bark and scared me. "Lily please listen. I know this is hard for you it's not easy for me either but we'll get through it. You'll see. I'm gonna talk to Dumble-"

"When was that Patronus sent." Remus looked confused and then his eyes lit with understanding. Remus then shrugged.

"Shall we ask?" He gestured to the door and I nodded, walking in with him. We saw Dumbledore at the table head and Remus gestured him over. He raised a finger to the group of Order members he was talking to and walked over to us.

"Are you ok ?" I nodded softly and looked away towards the floor. "I'm sorry, we didn't know it would have such a horrendous effect on you to hear him again."

"She heard him alright. Heard him get attacked!" Remus yelled and Dumbledore sighed.

"It's ok Dumbledore. I just wasn't expecting it I guess. I have a question about it though. When was it sent. When did you receive it?" Dumbledore shook his head.

"Ahh, the inevitable question. I would rather not tell you," I felt my face fall. "Three days ago." If Remus wasn't here I would have fallen smack into the stone floor. He grabbed me just as I blacked out.

Softly, a blanket of snow clocked the Hogwarts grounds, covering all its secrets in white. Lily was running through the snow, the castle to her back. Never moving but always the same distance from her. She was running from something but at the moment had no idea what it was. She ran and ran until it was all black. Even now in total darkness she could see outlines and colours. She heard the snow crunching behind her, the looming threat coming closer and closer until it was almost upon her. She spun on her heels, reaching for her wand and felt it missing. Lily tripped over something she could only hope was a tree branch and hit the ground hard. With a howl she felt something wet splatter her legs. She screamed and rose to her knees and more of the wet substance drenched her face. She felt a weird shape coated in the wet substance that was on her and she picked it up, immediately recognizing her wand. Lily used Lumos and the ground lit brightly revealing her covered in a red substance she could only figure was blood. But it wasn't her own. Then she saw it, the mangled body of James Potter all bloody and torn up and her hands and face and legs, coated in the blood of Jame Potter. She sobbed and screamed and realized that the looming threat that was chasing her was herself as she hid in fear. She was running from herself. She couldn't look any more and James and she got up and tried to run but never could. Little did she know she was screaming aloud.

"Lily? Lily! Wake up!" Remus muttered. I rolled half over and ignored it. A few hours later I woke up in a weird bed, a weird house. I felt horrible... Like really bad almost how you feel when you get drunk then fall asleep and wake up with a hangover and no recollection of where you are. I heaved a sigh and then I remembered my dream and I shook as I heard a noise in the other room. I got up numbly and padded softly to the room which I believe is the kitchen... Where am I? I closed my eyes and thought. I recalled my dream again and shivered. When I arrived in the kitchen I saw Remus Lupin, shirtless, with his hands on the rim of the counter in front of the sink. I walked hesitantly over.

"Remus..." He spun around at a crazy speed.

"Jesus woman! Please notify someone before you scare the hell out of them." Then a realization crossed his face. And he darted swiftly off to grab a white shirt and jammed it over his head. He rushed back in and ruffled his hair with a tense laugh. "Let's start over." He smiled and went back to the sink and muttered with false happiness "Morning Lily."

"Remus... What's wrong? How long have been asleep? Why do you look so hurt? Where am I?" Remus turned to me and for the first time I saw tears in his coffee coloured eyes.

"3 days. My flat." He murmured sorrowfully. "And to answer your other questions..." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket which had wet splashes decorating the page wistfully and I took it and read it.

Mr. Remus Lupin and Miss. Lily Evans/Potter, (We didn't know if you were married)

We are sorry to report that Mr. James Potter and Mr. Sirius Black are M.I.A. (Missing in action.) we lost connection with them a few days ago. The most recent thing we located belonging to Mr. James Potter was a letter and the only words we could read were; 'I love you James, Lily.' And Mr. Sirius Black's last belonging was a strange dog collar signed by Mr. Remus Lupin and dedicated to Mr. Sirius Black. We don't understand the meaning of the collar but it must be an inside joke. We are truly sorry to have to report this to you and if you need help we are sure to help anyway possible. We understand or are under the impression that you are both staying together in Mr. Remus Lupin's flat. We hope you understand we are all suffering for this news but we believe you two are suffering more than the rest of us.

~Ministry for Magic and Order of the Phoenix.

I felt my stomach drop to my feet and found my tears were added to the page. I looked up sorrowfully at Remus and choked out, "You only need the light when it's burning low Remus. I think we need that light now."

Remus tried to smile at the comment but the light that usually sparkled in his eyes was missing. It was dull and blank. Not a single spark and I felt my heart wrench at the realization that the fact both James and Sirius are M.I.A. was going to kill Remus and I. It was slowly tearing us apart from the inside out and it would eat us alive if we weren't careful to control it. It was like a disease that was fatal if not treated with caution. I heaved a sigh.

"Well if I'm here I may as well be helpful. I have a job at The Three Broomsticks in an hour. Bartender. I absolutely hated that job so I went on a break and figured now that I'm here I'm gonna need to start back up again. I work night shifts so it's even worse. Drunk guys and a lonely bartender girl." I rolled my eyes and Remus shook his head slowly.

"It's ok I can only work in small coffee shops because they don't ask if your a werewolf there..." I hated how the wizards and witches were so prejudice to others. There was nothing wrong with Remus Lupin except his furry little problem and it's just plain wrong to hate on him because of something he had no control over! I heaved a sigh and heard Remus say something. I glanced back and replied,

"What Remus?" He sighed.

"I'll come to the bar tonight. If you want. I could pose as your brother or whatever." I nodded at the idea. I liked the idea.

"Ya please. The last thing I need to think about tonight is protecting myself from drunk guys," I rolled my eyes and Remus nodded and sighed. "I need to leave now. You can come by whenever. If I'm not in the bar or behind the bar search everywhere. Ok?"

"Ok. I'll be there later. I have to go the coffee shop. See you Lily. Keep your head up don't drown in sorrow ok?"

"You too." I grabbed him and wrapped him into a hug. "Your the closest thing to a brother I've ever had Remus."

"Your like a sister to me Evans. I hope you have a good shift. I'll be there later." I nodded, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and Flooed out to the Three Broomsticks.

I immediately spotted Sparrow. Sparrow was a tall brown haired girl who was the biggest player I have ever met. Sparrow was leaning over the counter talking to Ajax; A normal height boy who has longish black hair that fell over his left eye. Sparrow, Ajax, Arrow, and Rebel were my best friends here. We all went to Hogwarts together and they definitely were fun to hang out with. We were all kinda misfits seeing we are all Muggle born. We immediately bonded over that.

"Lil'! Over here!" Sparrows sing song, Southern drawl, voice drifted from the other end of the Three Broomsticks. "Lil' we were just wonderin' Hun when you'd arrive! Ajax here said no way no how you'd comein' back Hun! Lil' we were worried and Hun we have to, how do they say, catch you up bout stuff! Ajax and I are sweet on each other! Hun! We're glad to see you! Can't believe I got shift with all yous* ((A. ! Hate that word)) together! All er us hangin' here! Ajax sugar, let's go let Lil' run the bar for moment. K honey buns?" I laughed and made a face with a nod. Ajax's deep sweet voice drifted over.

"Pleasure Lily to see you again. Mind if I ask how Regulus is? Still I'm happy to see you." Ajax asked with a smile and swipe of his hand knocking his black hair from his eye causing Sparrow to smirk suggestively at him.

"Reg's fine. I'll tell him you said hi. It is great to see you both again. I'll man the bar if you two want a... Break." Sparrow nodded eagerly and Ajax smiled slyly with a nod. They both slipped into the broom cupboard with a soft click the door became sound proof and locked. I laughed and rolled my eyes. I grabbed a rag and started to clean tables. All of a sudden Remus burst in and he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to look him in the eye. "Remus? What's up. You look flustered."

His hazel eyes dance all over me and he laughed and said happily to me, "They found them."


End file.
